I am an eighty-plus grandmother. I am a Tamilian Brahmin born in an affluent family. I had a comfortable and secure life with a very caring husband and sons all my life. Yet I was deeply attracted to spiritual life. What I wanted or sought was not clear. As years passed, I balanced between listening to lectures, reading books on great gurus, and chanting. But it was a war between my ego and what I was searching. Yes, I had some great experiences but I was pulled back to family life. After my husband’s death, I lived alone but had the support of my sons. And somewhere deep within me, I had become smug and was gathering “only superficial spiritual knowledge. I was also very smug about being financially independent.
It was at that time I became highly diabetic. I soon had acute diabetic dermopathy, with sores all over my body oozing with water and blood. I had to bandage every sore. The first thought that I had was to blame God. I, who had been doing Sadhna for years, giving charity, and leading a simple life, wondered why I was being tortured. Being alone heightened the misery. I would cry for help when doing my meditation or chanting. When I dropped the thought that “I” was in control and surrendered to God, I realized my smallness. With surrender, things changed dramatically. I was healed physically, and a wonderful change took place within me. I started online yoga classes and brought my diabetes under control. I lost twelve kgs with discipline, bringing my sugar levels to near normal. I joined Black Lotus and feel great. Surrender and devotion have helped me.
Surrender and devotion show us the beauty in life.
~ Sharada Gopalakrishnan